Thursday, July 12, 2012

Momentary Lapse

I love simple things, moments in time that seem to stand still and claw at my soul for a second more to savor them. When the world is quiet and still, yet shouting for all it's worth how majestic and wonderful my God is, I become excruciatingly aware of how much I miss in daily routines. Those moments that speak volumes loudly into my heart, filling it like water running from a quiet stream, bring cool clarity and wonder back into my grasp. I love those moments.

There are special moments you recall in time. Milestone moments like the minutes you stood waiting at the end of a long aisle way to walk (not run) to your waiting groom. That second that you stepped into view of everyone and the crowd rustled as it turned and stood in your honor and in celebration of your coming marriage ceremony. The look in his eyes as he stares at you as if for the first time, God lighting your face with a glow not seen on any ordinary day. The way he smiles and the way your cheeks begin to hurt because you cannot stop grinning back at him. You focus just on him because you know if you look into the crowd you might just cry out loud at how wonderful a moment this is.

The seconds that you first watch him hold his daughter and son and speak to them in hushed, soft words, barely audible at all. The prayers that he speaks into the sterile air and that look he gives you that lands softly in your soul. The way he inspects every inch of them and unwraps the tiny bundles to view toes and fingers and the marvel in his voice when he realizes just exactly how tiny they really are.

Ordinary moments that our eyes lock across the room and we know that the other is thinking about being anywhere but there.... The moments that we release ourselves from expectations and just decide to love with abandon the very life we have been blessed with, together. When we can put aside our desire to be right and replace with it a desire to see the other person happy, those moments tug at my heart like a child grabbing for the hem of my shirt and I cannot deny that push to recognize love as the choice I make each day. Not a feeling or a passion or lust, although those things are there... But the choice to love, the decision to love, the desire to love no matter where we are or how we look. The choice to manage our selfishness and replace that with prayerful love born of decision not biology.

I am addicted to moments like these, when time stands waiting for me to take it all in and appreciate it, even as inadequately as I am able. I love that God allows me those moments to view His creation and His plan and His choices for me. I love that He has given me him, the complementary partner to my soul, my playful accomplice, my encourager. In those moments, there is no doubt within me... God got it so right!

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