Wednesday, August 1, 2012
It's a simple principle of physics: A body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Like most things in my life, the simpler the concept, the more trouble I have wrapping my mind around how to apply it. Today was no different!
See, I freed up my mind and my schedule so that I could write more. I off-loaded some of my responsibilities, put my guilt and my fears to bed (for the moment at least), and sat at my desk in my studio (built just for this day, I might add) and I choked. I froze. All of my expectations and desires and fears and hopes came crashing in on me at once and suddenly I lost my momentum. I did that thing that most creatives do and once I didn't have any more excuses I realized I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MORE EXCUSES! If I did what I loved and I absolutely sucked at it, it was going to be all on me.
I freaked out when I starting really thinking about what it meant to get the desire of my heart. I wondered if I had heard God right. I mean, maybe He meant to deliver someone else's dream and I got it in my in-box instead. I had been praying for this day, wanting it desperately and POW, God had granted me the means to make it so. GOD had given me what I most desired! Instead of feeling relieved, elated and grateful, I was looking around suspiciously for the catch. When would the other shoe drop? When would the proverbial rug be yanked from beneath my feet and all of what I had hoped for go tumbling out of reach? I had come to terms with the need to work hard for things, but this was just too easy. Surely God had made a mistake and someone would show up at the door to oust me for the imposter I am. I am no writer, I don't have a degree or anything special to say. Lucky me, that isn't what God thinks of the situation. Lucky me, I am not the one judging talent here. Lucky me, God hands me exactly what to say, when He wants it said!
Although I had pinpointed my problem, I still struggled with the inertia. Like a kid learning to ride a bike that's a smidge too big, I fought to get going. I knew I had been handed something so amazing and inspiring, yet I still couldn't move in a way that felt meaningful, relaxed, ME...
So instead, I read. I read a post by this guy here, and I read a post by these peeps here and I took a deep breath. I realized that with some things that have happened recently (which I promise to tell you later, but just can't right now - sorry!) I had put too much pressure on what I was doing. Like this gal here, I decided getting more serious is not what I need. Getting more relaxed is. Being me is what got me here. Being unshackled, out of the box, a bit irreverent, and most of all honest about who I am and who I am not is how I started and it is how I am being led to finish.
So it is time to relax, to continue writing on that book I showed you a teeny-pie-slice of here, to blog like no one is reading and put on cyber-paper those things that God is speaking into my heart. Getting out of my head and into God's word through the Bible, other followers and some reliable friends and family, I am sure this leg of my journey will culminate in some fantastic moments! Thanks so much for tagging along, the trip is always better with company!