Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Do You See What He Sees?




I am a trouble maker. I am messy and fallen and all over the place emotionally. I am known to drop a cuss word, be mean-spirited, judgmental and vain. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister and I am a horrendous housekeeper. I am most of all a real life person.

I am a Christian.

I don't fit into the stark white, soft pillowed, hymns gently playing mold of Christian women I grew up thinking I should be. I am loud and I am colorful in bright hues of purple, orange and red. I am salty and spicy and full of things that are shocking and unwieldy. I embrace the youthful, loud and raucous. I enjoy singing off key at the top of my lungs, I dance exuberantly and let my kids see me cry.

I am a Christian.

I am not a Christ-follower because I am perfect, I am His because I am forgiven. I very rarely get it right. I am not His because I am worthy, or righteous or knowledgeable. It isn't about the things I do, it is about how much I love Jesus, how much I need Him, how much I desire to be His. I will never be perfected until I am seated with Him in Heaven. Until then, I will continue to live my life out loud, to shout out my joy and my angst, to dance in the streets and celebrate my freedom.

I am a Christian.

I will not ask you to follow me. I am not worthy of your adoration. I am just a person who loves knowing that God loves me more than anything in this world. Yup, He loves me best. He loves you best too... But I prefer to dwell on me. I will never be rid of my selfishness, though I try to keep it controlled. I refuse to hide my bruises, my scars and my ugliness because I know that if I did you might get the wrong idea. I want you to look at me in all of my brokenness and know that I am an example of how encompassing is God's love. He will not wait for me to wash, He will not leave if I am late. God loves me even before I love Him back. The truth is, if He can love me, He surely wants to love you too!