Off Grid Living

I took a hiatus from Facebook not too long ago. It wasn't because of boredom, or because I grew out of it... I wish I could mature beyond a need for human interaction, but I have yet to reach that pinnacle. I took the break because my feelings got hurt. And then they got hurt again. And again.... And after a sincere and tear filled conversation with my husband, I decided close my account and log off. At the time, I didn't care if I ever set my digital foot-print on that site again, I was that hurt. There were lots of reasons I left but at the crux it was my own emotional immaturity and my inability to accept that not everyone has to like me.

I share this rather embarrassing part of my history because I hear from women more mature than myself that this new age of living online has them soothing hurt feelings too. How can you not, on some level, have a stinging sense of exclusion when you are able to see inside the workings of someone else's life and you are very obviously left out? When everyone of your "other" friends is thanked and you are left out, when you read of a party you were not invited to, yet someone you think barely knows them is included? How on earth are we expected to react when we feel slighted, hurt and excluded?

For myself, this came to a head when I realized that I was neither reacting nor relating to the situation as a Christian. I realized I was looking to outside sources for validation, away from my heavenly Father, and right into the grasp of the enemy. I was turning to the world for validation, not separating myself from it as God so clearly instructs. I also realized that I needed to really, honestly - brutally - look deep within myself and determine if I was mature enough to handle the responsibility of being part of something like Facebook. Was it the venue, or was it me? Was I the one with the problem?

Regretfully, but thankfully for my sanity, I came to the conclusion that until I was able to resolve some other major issues with my heart (think bitterness, grudge-holding and self-riteousness), I needed to excuse myself from all social networking. It was a blessing... I began blogging instead, met some amazing folks, and resurrected a life-passion that had laid dormant for years. I know that God worked it together for His ultimate good, but man - did it hurt in the meantime! It meant that I had to look at parts of me that I distinctly despise and it meant being disciplined enough to really know myself and do the right thing for me. To not fold under the pressure, no matter how well meaning, of my friends who didn't want me to leave FB was very difficult. I wanted to stay, but I also knew until I dealt with my issues, it was a no-brainer... I needed to log out.

When I got down to it, who was I trying to please? Was it God that I had my sights set on, or was it something else altogether? Was I in His will with my obsessive compulsive behavior? Ahem...Definitely not. So in this age where we talk ourselves into this mantra of, "I deserve to be a part of this or that," I had to look myself squarely in the eye and say I was not mature enough to be on Facebook. I was looking for validation beyond God's desire for me and I was acting childishly to boot.

I wanted my "friends" to shun my offender and they did not. I wanted God to punish my offender, and He didn't appear to even blink... In fact, to make matters worse, it looked like my offender was being rewarded! In the year and a half that I removed myself I realized I had a choice. I could use the venue as a tool or I could seek out other means of entertainment and self promotion.

Ultimately I learned some valuable truths about myself and how I to interact on a social network to keep my heart safe and God happy.

1. I view only what comes into my News reel. I don't visit other people's pages unless they tell me they have something specifically for me to see. That keeps me reading only things they want me to see. I have relied on a something my Aunt has said over and over, "What other people think about me is none of my business." I always thought that was crap until it was explained in light of my own private thoughts. Would I want someone else to know that? uh... Absolutely not!
2. It is good to take a break from the constant bombardments. I have committed to my family to have one tech-free day a week. No phone, iPad or computer for a whole day. If we leave the ranch only one adult is to have a phone and only to be reachable in case of emergency. It keeps us sharper, more aware of the others around us and less likely to take each other for granted. And do you know what? We are all pretty funny individuals! My kids have amazing senses of humor and my husband is a rockstar! (Just sayin'...)
3. I think more about what I am saying when I post now. I try to realize that there are folks out there who struggle with exclusion and who have the same issues that caused me to log off. I try to be uplifting and not Debbie Downer. No one wants to read continuous posts about how crappy my day went. And when I just have to post about a disappointment, I try to find some sort of humor in it. After all, it's just a bad day, not a bad life!

I know it isn't cool to say this, but take time to put the gadgets down once in a while. Let peeps know how to get a hold of you in an emergency, but live some analog time out there with a cup of coffee and a good friend, face to face, smile to smile, laugh for laugh. You will be astonished by how amazing you feel afterward!

Be blessed!

Pinterest is evil and other truths about me...

Pinterest is evil. Not because of its electronic nature, or because of its content. No, it is evil because it steals my time in huge chunks. I have a few interests that I love to cruise for, but mostly, when I am waiting in line or bored or just plain ignoring my to-do list I saunter through its maze of wonders in search of "Snark" that relates to me.

It is also something that God calls me to. No, not posting wildly inappropriate e-cards. That isn't what I mean. Sharing parts of me that are imperfect, flawed, sinful and snarky - That process is important to me, and believe it or not, it is important to God. He wants me to take myself less seriously, He loves to hear me laugh and He wants us to know that no one - NO ONE - deserves a pedestal. Well... Except for His son. But you know what I mean, right?

The thing about exposing one's flaws to the world and then laughing about it is simple. Once they are out there, flapping in the wind like so much excess skin on a running Bassett hound, they are much less powerful to our inner psyche. Once you share with the world that you are not the picture of perfection that you think you are (and yes, you are the only one who thinks it looks perfect), that Voice that taunts you inside, it loses its power over you. You become a lantern beaming out the rays of God's all-accepting love through all those holes of imperfection.

Today, I am thanking God for my struggles, for my sins, for the problems that won't leave my side. Those things, are great teachers of God's patient love. They remind me that I need Him, that He loves me despite of my awful behavior and the murderous thoughts I think in the post office Que. The flaws I have poke holes in the desire of the Enemy to keep my light under a basket. When I shine them forth, I steal his power over me and I fly in the face of my own pride. It also takes me down off my own rickety pedestal and puts me among those that need to know the love of God on a much more personal level.

Take a little time today to poke some fun at yourself. After all, you have a few hours to sink into the Pinterest-time-continum, right?

Inertia

It's a simple principle of physics: A body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Like most things in my life, the simpler the concept, the more trouble I have wrapping my mind around how to apply it. Today was no different!
See, I freed up my mind and my schedule so that I could write more. I off-loaded some of my responsibilities, put my guilt and my fears to bed (for the moment at least), and sat at my desk in my studio (built just for this day, I might add) and I choked. I froze. All of my expectations and desires and fears and hopes came crashing in on me at once and suddenly I lost my momentum. I did that thing that most creatives do and once I didn't have any more excuses I realized I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MORE EXCUSES! If I did what I loved and I absolutely sucked at it, it was going to be all on me.
I freaked out when I starting really thinking about what it meant to get the desire of my heart. I wondered if I had heard God right. I mean, maybe He meant to deliver someone else's dream and I got it in my in-box instead. I had been praying for this day, wanting it desperately and POW, God had granted me the means to make it so. GOD had given me what I most desired! Instead of feeling relieved, elated and grateful, I was looking around suspiciously for the catch. When would the other shoe drop? When would the proverbial rug be yanked from beneath my feet and all of what I had hoped for go tumbling out of reach? I had come to terms with the need to work hard for things, but this was just too easy. Surely God had made a mistake and someone would show up at the door to oust me for the imposter I am. I am no writer, I don't have a degree or anything special to say. Lucky me, that isn't what God thinks of the situation. Lucky me, I am not the one judging talent here. Lucky me, God hands me exactly what to say, when He wants it said!
Although I had pinpointed my problem, I still struggled with the inertia. Like a kid learning to ride a bike that's a smidge too big, I fought to get going. I knew I had been handed something so amazing and inspiring, yet I still couldn't move in a way that felt meaningful, relaxed, ME...
So instead, I read. I read a post by this guy here, and I read a post by these peeps here and I took a deep breath. I realized that with some things that have happened recently (which I promise to tell you later, but just can't right now - sorry!) I had put too much pressure on what I was doing. Like this gal here, I decided getting more serious is not what I need. Getting more relaxed is. Being me is what got me here. Being unshackled, out of the box, a bit irreverent, and most of all honest about who I am and who I am not is how I started and it is how I am being led to finish.
So it is time to relax, to continue writing on that book I showed you a teeny-pie-slice of here, to blog like no one is reading and put on cyber-paper those things that God is speaking into my heart. Getting out of my head and into God's word through the Bible, other followers and some reliable friends and family, I am sure this leg of my journey will culminate in some fantastic moments! Thanks so much for tagging along, the trip is always better with company!