Splash Zone

We have all seen it. A swimming pool, water park, kiddie pool, Vegas... You name it, where there is water, we have seen the "Don't get any on me" dance and squeal. The little girls around 12 to 15 years old are the best. They threaten, fuss and do that funny jog in place-limp-wristed-hands-held-up-above-the-water-level dance. For whatever misguided reason, they think they can get into a pool and look cute with curled hair, lip gloss and perfectly applied mascara and every one will respect their desire to be just that: Cute. If there are any boys of corresponding age in the pool, we all know that will last as long a jar of Nutella at my house! Doused and crabbed out, out of the pool they will stomp looking like drowned raccoons to pout on a chaise somewhere out of sight. Oh and let the whining begin...

We aren't much different spiritually. Ever been to a Christian conference or better yet, your own home church and thought, "Oh man! If only (insert other person's name here) was sitting right beside me... They really need to hear this!" You nod along to the pastor's message, even throw in a little "Amen!" when you feel particularly sure that this will be the dvd you actually pay $2 for so that ole so-and-so can hear it for themselves. Yeah... Tread lightly, folks. I have been just that person and not too soon after I was sure I knew that God was speaking directly to someone else's sin, splat! You guessed it... I got some on me!

It is funny. That special way we can look around and point out fault like we are Gordon Ramsey in a Kitchen Nightmares episode. Yet to the gaping holes in our own spirituality we are oblivious. (What is that breeze I keep feeling?) Those times that God allows us to be privy to another's failings I have learned, are not so much the accolade that we are right and they are wrong. Quite the opposite: they are warning signs that anyone can struggle. Lest I start thinking that I have it all in the bag and under control, God will splash a little light my way and illuminate the sinful behavior I am engaged in. It is all in how you respond in that moment. I can stomp out of the pool and harumph my way out of sight, or I can stand in the light of my Lord and say, "Well! Would ya look at that? I got some on me..." Until I recognize that I am also covered in sin-splotches, I have no compassion for others or desire to scrub it out of my own life.

God is gracious, however, and He also allows us to be splashed with the light of someone else's joy. When a missionary, visionary or just amazing Christian influence embarks on a journey to better themselves and the world around them they have a tendency to splash around in the pool of life. They aren't being malicious in their whirling and twirling... They just can't believe they have been allowed the opportunity to live it up in the deep end of the pool! You know the feeling right? That moment you finish a book like Wrecked and you examine your life for something to be spiritually destroyed and rebuilt over... When you start recognizing your Flinch and decide, "No more fearing failure for the sake of mediocrity!" When you redefine yourself as courageous. That is the moment you realize you got some on ya... And it feels great!!

Whether what you have dripping down your shirt is revealing light or exuberant joy, don't be afraid to splash a little, jump a little, get a little on ya... It's about time we were unapologetic and excited that God chose us! He chose us to make us better, He chose us to exemplify unconditional love, He chose us so that we would chose Him. Make it count!

Be blessed...

Senseless

I used to take anti-depressants. I suffer from genetic based clinical depression arriving on stealthy waves of inscrutable darkness and hopelessness manifesting in uncontainable rage. Years ago I realized there was a problem when I noticed after I walked into my kids' nursery they flinched playing there on the floor. It was heartbreaking, both as a mother and as a Christian. I had to do something to get my rage under control. It was beyond my own ability to solve. I went to my doctor. I poured my aching heart out on the sterile floor. I got some little white pills and I slowly came to grips with what "normal" might feel like.

While I did begin to recognize my "normal," I realized I had lost most of what elation, joy and manic happiness felt like as well. I became numb. After two years and talking extensively with my loved ones, I decided to try life without the drugs again, with the understanding that if I became needlessly angry once more I would take the medicine without hesitation. I am not a normal case. I was able to do quite a few things to detox off of the drugs, flanked by the amazing patience of my husband and good friends. I was diligent about changing my diet and my lifestyle so that I could begin to find "normal" without the anti-depressant. For me, thankfully, it worked. It does not for most people and I am not an advocate for what I found worked for me as a blanket cure for others. If you are on medication, stay on it! Stop taking them only under the care and support of your doctor.

Having clarified that, the feeling of being without emotions... It was what drove me to want a different solution. I am a passionate person in extremes. I get passionately excited, passionately elated, passionately angry. I learned how to control my responses through counseling, diet and stress management. I realize that my clinical depression had to be mild for me to do these things. I also realize daily that keeping ahead of the darkness means that I have to be diligent in all of my approaches.

Today I am feeling the passions once more. I feel angry, heart broken and sickened by the loss of so much life at the hands of a deviant. There was a shooting at the midnight showing of Batman in Aurora, CO. Amidst the movie goers were small children, women, teens and men who's only desire for the night was to be mightily entertained. It is no wonder that when the gas filled canisters rolled into the theater so many describe feeling confused. Somehow this had to be a joke, a part of some movie promotion, an ill timed prank. It wasn't until the gunman opened fire that reality, never mind how surreal and terrifying, finally set in. This was not part of the movie, it was part of their life - lives that would never be the same.

Listening to the reports I realized, like myself,as a society, we have become desensitized. We look at canisters rolling down a theater aisle way and we no longer heed the "danger!" signal that should be coursing through our bodies. We assume that it must be a joke, a part of the unreality we view on television and in movies every day. We have become numb to the violence we see around us as if we could never be touched by it. Today, at least 12 families have been touched by it. There is life lost - young, productive and hopeful life that will never regain it's ability to sense hope again. Reports have said there are 13 deaths to contend with.

"Senseless" doesn't begin to describe how I feel on this tragic day-after. I am enraged, incensed, devastated, crushed and terrified. I have kids who desire to see life from a safe and wonder-filled vantage point. I have to keep reminding them that if something doesn't' feel right, heed their instinct. God gave it to them as a gift and a safety valve. They roll their eyes at me and hug me as they chuckle. How many Columbine students did the same thing that fateful morning? I weep at the thought.

As scared as I am, I realize that there is wisdom in my children's approach. We cannot hide in our padlocked, dead bolted, alarm-armed caves and never step into the light of God's creation, but we can be more diligent about our sensibilities. We can be on the look-out for the desensitizing of our kids, of ourselves, of our communities. We can step up for those being bullied, those unfairly discriminated against and we can heed our inner alarms when those instinctual warnings are screaming in our heads to run! We can be the change we want to see in the world.

We simply must not be "senseless."

Carelessness kills; complacency is murder. First pay attention to me, and then relax. Now you can take it easy - you're in good hands. (The Message, Proverbs 1:29-33)

Pick up the shovel and start digging!

We have all heard (and even uttered) the phrase, "Put down the shovel and walk away from the hole!" It is something I use with my husband often, especially when he is teetering on the edge of really pissing me off... It means, in short, stop talking before you say something you cannot take back or get out of gracefully. You are digging a verbal hole and you are going to make enemies if you don't stop. It's good advice... Sometimes.
I have been reading this guy and I am being challenged to actually pick up my shovel. He isn't necessarily a Christian - I don't think his message hinges on his religious preference at all. He is, however, motivational while being aggressively in-your-face with what he has to say. I don't necessarily like the cursing - but as I have stated before, I can work past that if the message is right. And his message is right.
So often I talk myself into the lull and the lie that I can't say certain things here because it wouldn't be "right" or it isn't the right place. I might alienate readers or I might not get God's message across because I offended someone. The truth of what living the Christian life is about is controversial, though. Jesus was a radical! He was in your face and used language that the uppity-ups viewed as inflammatory and blasphemous. He didn't dilute His message to please everyone, on the contrary - He amped up the reality of what He was saying and pared back the BS.
Funny thing happens when you pare back the BS... Your message - your real message - comes across loud and clear. There is no room for misinterpreting what you are saying. It makes you stand out. It shines your light without a dimmer switch or a lampshade to soften it. It makes you vulnerable and it makes you believable. Let me be crystal clear about what it isn't. It isn't an excuse to be ignorant. It isn't a reason to attack others on a personal level and name call or make assumptions about their private lives. Pare back the BS, not civility. Don't wander around the point, get to it and settle in. You may not be agreed with, but at least you stand a good chance of being respected for it.
When I started this new blog, I promised myself I would take off the gloves. I have let that slide. I have softened and I have disappointed some of my own desires because of it. I cannot say that I won't do it again. Some days I just don't have the energy to get real. Isn't that sad? It's sad, not because my readers will be sad, it's sad because those are the times I am lying to myself just to get through the day. Pathetic.
So here it is... Getting real and letting you see more of me than you may have wanted.
* I am a Republican. I believe in letting people make their own decisions about healthcare, business, and contraception. I believe that making others accountable for my actions is wrong. If I decide not to buy insurance and I get a horrible disease, I think you should let me die. I will be sad and possibly regretful, but making that choice is my right. Quit telling me that I am too stupid to make my own decisions and that government has to babysit me. I am pretty damned smart and I don't appreciate the condescension. And I don't appreciate someone telling me that I have to pay for someone else's choice either. There was a time when responsibility mattered and people got stronger for it. I want that back.
* I support horse slaughter. When you see first hand, as I have, the neglect and mistreatment of these horses that no one wants to care for properly, you begin to understand the true definition of humane treatment. God gave us the animals to be a part of our lives, not us to them. Get it straight and make a choice.
* I am a pathetic people pleaser and getting this real is scaring the crap outta me! I want my message to matter, however, and because of that I will keep going.
* Being a Christian is the most difficult, obscure and frustrating thing I have ever done. I am ridiculed, marginalized, taken for granted and often lonely. It is also the only thing that I have done that is worth doing even though it hurts, except maybe childbirth - and that too is closely tied to my Christian beliefs, so go figure. I do things that others won't because of my faith. I take risks that don't pan out because of my faith. My investment in my walk is more important than whether or not I have money in my account but sometimes even I wonder what in the hell I am doing it for. It won't stop me. I can still choose, and I choose Him.
* I am more afraid of succeeding than failing. I am sure you are too. Know how I am sure? Because failing is expected. Failing is planned for, waited on and accepted daily. Failing doesn't get you noticed. Failing doesn't put you out there. Failing in this day and age is safe. Ask Lindsay Lohan. Ask Donald Trump. Ask anyone really. Failing is a big, fat non-event. Success... Now that is some scary stuff! If you succeed you must be accountable. If you succeed, there will be consequences and stands to make. I am not afraid of failing - Failing would be welcomed in the face of succeeding and becoming even more real. I challenge you to download that little book and really take a look at what you are scared to succeed at.
(Takes deep breath...) Here's the deal. I was called out today. I was called out to make a stand as I see it. It doesn't mean that I don't value my friends who have differing viewpoints. I am not that narrow-minded. It does mean that I have been holding back a part of me in order to not rock any boats. I have come to believe that rocking boats has value. People who rock boats make a difference and I want to make a difference.
If I have pissed you off, unfollow me. I get it. You don't want to be confronted and made to listen to things you don't like. I feel that way too. But I also hold value in the things that make me mad and require me to examine why. I read stuff that really irritates the crap outta me. I examine it and I come up with what I think on the subject. It makes me stronger. It makes me viable. It makes me believe. It doesn't threaten me or what I love. It's an opinion. My grandfather had a saying about opinions: "Opinions are like (inserting slightly cleaner version here, Grampa...in the interest of civility, of course) butt-cracks. Everyone has one and no one is particularly interested in yours." True. And if you are no longer interested, see ya.
If, however, what I have said resonates for no other reason than to fuel your fire and make you distill down what you truly believe, then GREAT! That was what I was after. I am all about a respectful, impassioned response. Ideas are meant to be batted around, not people. Pick up your shovel and start digging. You may just strike gold...