Friday, September 14, 2012

Bleeding on the page

Certain accolades will always make me uncomfortable. I don't quite understand it. I mean, I write because I want to make a difference and yet when women approach me and tell me how much it means to them, I get all squirmy and my first instinct is to belittle what God does here. Not because it is God, but because it is me He uses.

"So then, Stace, why write at all? Why put yourself out there?" Frankly, I don't always know. But lately I have been trying to figure out at least some of the reasons why...

First, I guess it is a calling. I can't stand to hear someone say that they can't be a Christian because they aren't good enough or don't look like they should. It is one of the most tragic things I can hear. I believe that being real, being broken, being brutally honest is how we get to fully comprehend how infinitely encompassing is God's love. If I sit here and present to you a facade that I have it all together, that I never fall or struggle, if I don't share with you who I truly am - It perpetuates a false picture that keeps you from Christ, not draws you to Him. Being His daughter, His bride - It is what keeps me sane, I want that for you.

Second, writing completes me in a way words don't wrap around. Writing - any kind of writing - centers me, redirects my chaotic mind, keeps me focused on the important things like God, family, friends, making impact. When I don't write, I come unglued. My edges get frayed, I get crabby, I get snipe-ish, I am not who I was created to be. It baffles me how I kept going for so long without it. God has certainly been good.

Lastly, writing connects me. Living out here, alone a lot, I have to find community in different ways than most do. Driving into town gets expensive on a horse trainers budget so chatting with friends, keeping up on Facebook (evil creature that it is), and blogging are what keep me connected to the real world out there. Besides, some of the most heart touching comments I have gotten have come from posts I did just for me. Having another human being stop me and say, "I needed you to say that," Folks, it just doesn't have a match. When we realize we are not alone in our broken worlds, that someone else is struggling too and somehow making it through - It fuels us to continue. I come from a long list of survivors and tough chicks (just ask my mom the genealogist) but even I need a boost! Hearing from you makes my day, it really does.

If there is one thing I want all of you reading to know, and I think it's vital you keep this in mind... I never write with the intent on showing you how it's done. These are conversations I have been having with my own God, the prayers I send up, the heartbreak I feel, the joy I exude - It's all real, and it's all mine. I welcome you in with open arms and I hope you will keep visiting. Just understand that if you came here to find answers you will be sadly disappointed. I am no guru, or self-help aficionado. I am just a woman who cant stand to keep her mouth shut.

I will fix you a cup of coffee, sit with you on my lovely couch in my amazing studio and I will listen to your hearts pour out like rain. I will not fix it. I cannot fix it. That is for God to do. But He has allowed me to view your hearts with such joy and grace I would be remiss not to return the favor.

Be blessed...