Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Today starts a new day. Seriously. I have just posted notice on my other blogs that I was moving on. I have wanted to do this for some time now and feel finally ready to take the plunge. I am consolidating things and pruning back branches that are weak, dead or simply not producing fruit worthy of the effort. This goes for much of my life.
Sometimes this transition makes me sad. Today I am devoid of much feeling at all. I simply am. I am rejoicing in the things that make me happy, no matter how mundane and simple they may appear to be to others. For that reason, I am doing what is known as a random post. Getting the junk out of my head, onto paper and generally clearing out the cobwebs!
Bear with me as I think on the page:
** Why is it I can know exactly what I want my thank you cards to look like, yet I seem to find anything else in the universe to do besides sit down and make them to write out? I know I will enjoy it as soon as I get started, I just have to get started...
** I feel very blessed to have hit a milestone birthday with some semblance of grace and courtesy. I am struggling with those around me who are hitting the same milestone with less. Not that I am better or more equipped, au contraire! I wonder if I somehow didn't get it... 40 just didn't destroy me. It didn't make me feel invalid, in fact I feel more alive now than I did before! I didn't feel like I needed to tear my world apart at the seams, I was ready to start anew, but not have to rise from ashes. I will continue to pray that God will bless me with that outlook for years to come.
** I have been studying of late about living in the present. That is a concept that is truly very difficult to assimilate into daily habit. Remembering that living in the present is God's link for us to eternity is so out of this world thinking, it's no wonder I haven't gone stark raving mad! But it does make sense. When I think about all the times I have been so overwhelmed that I just let go and did only what was right in front of me, it was so liberating and I felt immediately closer to God. Projecting into the future is the quickest way to set myself up for disappointment and paralyzing fear. Definitely don't have time for that.
** My mom reminded me today of something my Dad says, "It's not good unless it's hard." hmmmmm..... so very true. The things that I want so very badly and the things that I struggle with letting go of all fall under this category. If I want to get really "good" at my writing, it will take hours and miles to make it so. There is no easy solution, no get-good-quick schemes. Just a lot of hard work. And then some more hard work. And after that,some more.....
** My body has rebelled against me once more. My back gave out again yesterday signaling me that I was once again doing too much and probably not the right things. I have spent the last two days telling myself I don't have time to be hurt, but my body has responded by tying up my sciatic nerve and making me want to saw my own legs off. I don't think I have chosen wisely. :/ I read recently that slowing down is the best thing for us all, that others will look at me as if I am lazy, but that it is truly a God-thing... How do you explain that to your spouse or your family or your clients? So much has gone bas-ackwards in our lives, we no longer allow ourselves the luxury of choosing ourselves. The fact that I call that a luxury, well that speaks volumes, doesn't it?
** I hope that my reader list follows me here. It has been a harrowing thought to lose all that I had built up to now... I worry that I have disappointed others by choosing me, but I am also strangely liberated in that thought as well. I have wanted to write for writing sake and now I have given myself permission to do just that. Can I continue on even if no one reads? The fact of the matter is I do this because I can't stand not doing this.... So I guess the answer is yes.
** Still reading the Flinch. Maddening little book! Yes, it is hitting home all too often... And yet, I keep reading. Glutton!
What have you been up to lately? Leave me a comment or catch me on Facebook... I'd love to hear from you!