I didn't come into my cool until I was well out of high school and into my twenties. Let's just say no one from high school ever recognized me after that. It was nice. I could dance (which no one knew because I was rarely asked), I finally "filled out", and my brains were an asset instead of the reason no one ever thought of me that way. It was awesome! I had become cool without even trying really. I was hanging out with the local bands, dancing at the local clubs and generally enjoying my new found popularity outside of the narrow confines of school.
Then I had kids.
No one ever explained to me that having kids instantly kills your cool points by at least half and then incrementally diminishes each year they survive your parenting skills. No one could have explained that those same kids will start out thinking you hung the moon and then, once they turn into teens, be convinced that you are by far the stupidest creature on the face of the earth. It doesn't seem fair.
I am not allowed to dance - ever! Someone might see me and associate me with my two eye rolling, head shaking kids who are walking at least two steps behind me. I cannot even car dance because, as my daughter so lovingly puts it, "those windows are made of glass, duh!"
I have been caught saying all of those completely uncool things like: "Have you done your homework?" "Who was that boy?" "Is this show/website/song really appropriate?" "It is really cold out, take a jacket." Yeah... Not cool at all. But that is ok. I am getting more and more comfortable here in Stupidville. A lot less pressure to meet those Mom-knows-all-the-answers questions.
The things we used to laugh big belly laughs over are now eye-rollers. I am "lame" or "retarded", not hilarious. Hmmm. ok. Yet these are the same kids who will laugh for long minutes over flatulence... go figure!
I admit, I haven't fought the loss of cool recently. I take my kids to the bus stop in my pajamas almost every morning. Yup, with big muck-luck slippers too! As long as I never have to get out of my car, my theory is I may as well be comfy. Sometimes I will compromise and put a hat over my bed-head, but that is about it. The rest is all about comfort!
So here I sit, lost in my Lame-o life, too dumb to be cool any more. I wear a coat in the cold weather, I sing along to the radio and I watch shows like "Parenthood." I'll be putting steaks on the grill later... Wanna come over? Only fellow idiots need reply...